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Category: funny

0 Movie Friday: Sodom and Gomorrah

  • May 20, 2011
  • by Crommunist
  • · blog · crapitalism · funny · hate · LGBT · movie · religion

Anti-gay agitators like to bring up a particularly monstrous story from the bible (and there are many to choose from) as an example of God’s perfect mercy. They use this story to demonstrate that God is not okay with buttsecks, or really anything that isn’t face-to-face vagina/penis intercourse with the lights off and while a woman is ovulating. Rather than trying to retell it in my own inimitable style, I’ll let The Professor Brothers do it for me (video and audio NSFW):

They kind of leave it as a tease at the end, the way that the tribe gets repopulated. Let’s just say that for the (by my count) third time so far in the book, Yahweh is super pissed off that people do things against his will, but has zero problems whatsoever with incest.

Yahweh also seems to be a bit of a plagiarist, unashamedly ripping off the tragic climax of the story of Orpheus and Eurydice and adding an oddly (un?)savoury twist. Just another example of where the Bible seems to encourage completely blind faith over reasonable skepticism or even human decency: surely Lot’s wife (who apparently doesn’t deserve a name) had some friends in town whose fates she was upset about; apparently Yahweh’s not big on compassion either.

So this is the example we’re supposed to hold up – the rigorous moral standard that we poor wretched sinners can’t ever even hope to aspire to, save through the oddly-specific requirements of Jesus. We are to villify gay people (not rapists, incidentally – anti-gay crusaders will specify that the crime wasn’t rape, but secks in teh butt) because they are more evil than a mass murderer that permits drunken incest but whose wrath is so moved by a single moment of doubt that he will transform you into a kitchen condiment?

You are right to laugh.

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Stephen Harper has a magic wall of protection

  • April 27, 2011
  • by Crommunist
  • · blog · Canada · forces of stupid · funny · politics · religion

I’ve written one of my patented, irreverent and (hopefully) funny posts over at Canadian Atheist. Here’s a little taste:

I wasn’t going to say anything, but I had a surefire way to lock up the election and prevent Stephen Harper from securing a majority government. It was, admittedly, a risky gambit, and somewhat… unorthodox. But it has a proven track record of efficacy going back hundreds of years, requires only a minimum of effort, and is nearly foolproof.

Of course, as you’ve probably guessed, I am talking about voodoo…

If you want to read the rest of it, just click on over to the site and check it out. I promise not to disappoint.

0 Movie Friday: Good Friday

  • April 22, 2011
  • by Crommunist
  • · blog · funny · movie · religion

Oooh, it might be a vacation day, but there’s no excuse for this being 3 hours late.

I always found the phrase ‘Good Friday’ bizarre and faintly Orwellian – EASTER is the good part – the redemption and all that. It seems like Friday is the shitty part – the torture, the humiliation, the ultimate death of the protagonist. But of course when you’re dealing with a death cult that is obsessed with human sacrifice, blood offerings, and fixated on the ultimate torture of many for the enjoyment of the few elect, you can throw standard decency out the window.

I think the guys from Monty Python got much closer to an actual Good Friday message.

Happy Easter!

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0 The beatings will continue until morale improves

  • April 14, 2011
  • by Crommunist
  • · blog · Canada · funny · politics

I’m not a parent, so this hypothetical situation might ring a little hollow, but let’s say you caught your 6 year-old daughter stealing cookies. You had indisputable proof of her theft. Instead of denying it, or looking apologetic, she simply looks you in the eye and says “yes, I stole the cookies, and I will continue to do so given the opportunity.”

Or perhaps you’re an employer who catches an employee making pornographic films on company time. “Yes,” he says “I filmed myself porking some low-rent prostitutes on your desk. However, I am planning on filming myself porking them on other people’s desks too.”

Would you think you’d slipped into Bizarro world? Nope, you’re just a voter in Quebec:

It is “normal” for Conservative ridings to receive more cash from Ottawa than those with opposition MPs, a high-profile Tory candidate in Quebec said Thursday. Larry Smith, a former CFL commissioner now running for the Conservatives in Montreal, said it is part of the political process for governments to be favourable to their supporters. The Tories believe Smith represents their best chance at winning a seat on the island for the first time since 1988. In making his case, Smith said his riding in western Montreal could expect more federal funding if it voted Conservative.

Kinda takes the wind out of the sails of your stinging accusation of vote-buying, don’t it? “Why yes, I am buying votes. You should vote for me, so that I will give you more federal money than if you vote for someone else.” It’s nice to see that the Conservatives don’t even have the capacity to feel shame anymore.

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2 Movie Friday: Outnumbered

  • April 8, 2011
  • by Crommunist
  • · blog · critical thinking · funny · movie · religion

I had a discussion/debate with Scary Fundamentalist about the strength of kids’ “bullshit detectors”. My basic stance was that, given the opportunity and a set of unbiased facts, kids are pretty good at sorting out what is real and what isn’t. However, when you tell them that something is real, they tend to believe you because… well… they’re kids. Today’s video illustrates that:

*Mutter* another video with embedding disabled. Sorry.

While this is played for laughs, it is an incredibly tragic state of affairs that kids are indoctrinated in environments where they aren’t given the skills to evaluate the truth of the axioms they are taught. Sure, I was raised in a religious household (kinda) and was taught to believe in a deity, but I was also taught skills of appraisal of facts, and exposed to dissenting opinions. It’s all well and good to say “let the kids decide for themselves”, but when you insulate people from dissenting opinions, there’s really not much of a decision to make.

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0 Movie Friday: Trololololo

  • April 1, 2011
  • by Crommunist
  • · blog · crommunism · funny · movie · religion

It’s April Fool’s Day! This year I am celebrating by trolling the hell out of Canadian Atheist, another site I occasionally blog on.

I am putting this up because I fear that people may not understand that I am joking, and hoping that they click through here for more information.

Here are some other awesome religious troll pranks, in honour of this most foolish of days:

Punk’n the Fundie

Fresh Prince Troll

Miss Cleo Calls a Psychic

The April fool hath said in his heart that this shit ain’t funny.

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0 Movie Friday: Protect yourself with censorship

  • March 25, 2011
  • by Crommunist
  • · blog · critical thinking · free speech · funny · movie

Still on vacation. Brief writeup of some relevant stuff on Monday. Until then, enjoy this hilarious video by Mr. Sharp

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0 Bonus movie: Science smackdown!

  • March 11, 2011
  • by Crommunist
  • · blog · conservativism · funny · movie · science

This was too good to let go

Sadly, the people for whom this kind of speech is most needed are too stupid to understand all the big words that Rep. Markey used:

“Mr. Chairman, I rise in opposition to a bill that overturns the scientific finding that pollution is harming our people and our planet.

However, I won’t physically rise, because I’m worried that Republicans will overturn the law of gravity, sending us floating about the room.

I won’t call for the sunlight of additional hearings, for fear that Republicans might excommunicate the finding that the Earth revolves around the sun.

Instead, I’ll embody Newton’s third law of motion and be an equal and opposing force against this attack on science and on laws that will reduce America’s importation of foreign oil.

This bill will live in the House while simultaneously being dead in the Senate. It will be a legislative Schrodinger’s cat killed by the quantum mechanics of the legislative process!

Arbitrary rejection of scientific fact will not cause us to rise from our seats today. But with this bill, pollution levels will rise. Oil imports will rise. Temperatures will rise.

And with that, I yield back the balance of my time. That is, unless a rejection of Einstein’s Special Theory of Relativity is somewhere in the chair’s amendment pile.

Science: making Conservatives wrong since the 1500s.

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2 Movie Friday: Proposition 8 – The Musical

  • March 4, 2011
  • by Crommunist
  • · blog · bmusic · funny · hate · LGBT · movie

Sometimes hypocrisy goes best when set to a brilliant Broadway score:

Alternative ending: Jesus fails to pop into existence because he’s a fictional character. Batman appears instead.

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0 Movie Friday: Blackstronauts

  • February 25, 2011
  • by Crommunist
  • · blog · funny · history · racism

A friend posted this on his Facebook, and it made me laugh pretty hard

Sometimes these videos don’t have a point. This is one of those times. Enjoy!

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