A disturbing number of love songs follow this basic theme: “You make me feel like shit and you betray my trust, but I love you so I’m going to put up with it”. To me, that sounds like the unhealthiest possible way to be in love with someone. Love, to me, is a mutual and constructive thing, where two (or more) people are committed to making each other’s lives better. Sure, people make mistakes and sometimes it is necessary to forgive them, but at some point you have to really ask whether the person who’s cheating on you for their fourth or fifth time actually loves you. And you have to start asking some questions about yourself as well, I’d say.
So I put a twist on this “you betray me but I love you” trope and added to it, turning it into “you betray me, and I love you, but I’m still leaving”. Because it’s possible to love someone enough to know that they’re no good for you, and the best thing you can do is get your distance. And that’s what this song is about.
This was the first tune recorded with my new guitar Katrina. She’s a Godin Icon Type 3, which might mean something to someone. To me, it means I have a brighter and broader range of tones to choose from. This song particularly showcases the guitar’s natural voice, with just the slightest amount of reverb. It is also the first song I’ve recorded that doesn’t have any kind of instrumental solo break, which was a painful choice to make because I had some great ideas for one.
Lyrics
Used to be when you’d cheat, you would say you were sorry
And say “baby don’t worry, my heart belongs to you”
Now it seems it’s only me who even cares that it hurts me
When you tell me your stories and not a word is trueBut even through the lies, there’s a part of you I recognize
The part that made me want to fall in love and never let you go
And even through the pain I keep crawling back again
But I don’t want to feel this shame no more so I’ve got to let you knowThis ain’t working for me
And that’s why I have to leave…‘Cause after all the things you’ve done
I still think you’re the one – that seems so sad to say
And after all the lies you’ve told
I still dream about growing old with you, and that won’t do, so I’m gone
I’m walking awayThere were nights, lonely nights, when I wished you were near me
But you couldn’t hear me, no matter how hard I cried
And I tried so many times to talk myself into leaving
But I kept believing we could work it out
So I told myself that nothing was wrong just as long as I stayed by your sideBut you weren’t there for me
And love shouldn’t be just a one way street…‘Cause I know people say that when you fall in love you should learn to forgive and forget
But how many times until you say “enough”? Save the parts of your heart that just aren’t broken yetI’ve tried, but I can’t take no more
I’m tired of feeling this way
And the love that I need won’t find me ’til I leave through the doorI know there’s a part of you that still loves me too
‘Cause you’re begging me to stay
But you can’t love without trust, so I’m doing what I must
I hope you see that someday
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