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I win! Damning video evidence

  • March 19, 2012
  • by Crommunist
  • · blog · Blogmeta

So I thought we could just ‘agree to disagree‘ (which means that I am right, but you disagree) on this whole “cats vs. dogs” thing. I thought the heat had died down and the FTBorg could just resume quietly hating each other like a normal dysfunctional blogging collective.

Clearly I overestimated the restraint and good sense of my colleagues.

Almost as one (as though they’ve been colluding behind my back), the pro-cat posts have been coming fast and furious:

  • I probably should have expected Greta’s treachery – the parasites are strong in that one;
  • Jen, for all her otherwise brilliance, did not surprise me with her tag-team feline confederacy;
  • Dana has chosen her side, and chosen poorly. So be it – when the otter uprising happens, she will not be spared;
  • But Jason… sweet Jason… I thought better of you. I truly did. This fence-sitting bullshit will not stand. Pick a side, man! We’re at war here.

I didn’t want to take ‘the nuclear option’, but apparently with the pro-cat forces of the world stacked against me and few allies to be found, I am left with little recourse. I have been vouchsafed a piece of damning video evidence that shall resolve this issue once and for all. Sure, cats act like cats when nobody’s watching, but if you manage to sneak up on them unawares, you’ll find the story is something else entirely:

You saw it here first, folks. Even cats think dogs are better, and when given the opportunity they will ‘dog it up’. However, upon being caught, they will revert to their cowardly selves. Sure, there are videos out there that show dogs meowing, but they do it in the spirit of open mockery, not in secret.

Dogs are better than cats – even cats think so.

I trust this will be the end of this foolishness and I can go back to dealing with human topics.

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Comments

  1. Randomfactor March 19, 2012 · Reply

    Hah! Show me a dog who can meow, and we’ll talk.

    • Ramel March 19, 2012 · Reply

      Show me a dog that wants to.

  2. HumanisticJones March 19, 2012 · Reply

    Another “dog person” fails to see the brilliance of cat stratagem. Bark-mimicry allows cats to disrupt the lines of dog communication, relaying false orders in the continuing struggle. Clean, efficient, and lets the enemy destroy themselves.

  3. Pierce R. Butler March 19, 2012 · Reply

    Odd that a post about dawgs ‘n’ catz should attract an ad for “Doctor Formulated Homeopathic Parasite Cleanse” from vaxa.com.

    Only cat-people would care enough to buy products of >99.999…% water to keep their pets’ parasites clean.

  4. MichaelD March 19, 2012 · Reply

    Aren’t you worried you’re committing a false dichotomy? I mean everyone knows that bunnehs are far superior to both cats and dogs. But then you obviously know this by trying to pick on the cats where you at least have a chance of winning some points 😛

  5. Alyson Miers March 19, 2012 · Reply

    I think it’s kind of entertaining how, when the opposition posts tons of cat videos and pics, you respond with…another cat video.

    So, if I were to support your side, I’d do it by sharing kitten pics along with a story of me pointing and laughing at said kitten.

    I could just as easily dig up a video showing tons of cute puppies scampering around with Christmas gift boxes, but since you’re into posting cat-centric content…

    • Crommunist March 19, 2012 · Reply

      Naw, the time has come for this campaign to go negative. It’s not just “dogs are good”, it’s “cats are flip-floppers”

  6. leni March 19, 2012 · Reply

    It’s not flip-flopping! It’s an excellent example of mimicry. In, um, nature. Or possibly mockery. You never know. That cat could be saying anything. ANYTHING!

  7. Nepenthe March 19, 2012 · Reply

    Even though I’m a dyed-in-the-fur cat person, I love this video of Corgi puppies harassing a cat. I leave this as a peace offering.

  8. leni March 19, 2012 · Reply

    Oh noes, Nepenthe your linky no worky.

    Also, Dog vs. Otter cage match!

    Spoiler: Otter wins! 😀

  9. F March 19, 2012 · Reply

    Nepenthe, you done did sumpin’ od teh yer link.

    • Nepenthe March 20, 2012 · Reply

      Yes! My peace offering was a 404 error! Hah!

  10. Alyson Miers March 20, 2012 · Reply

    I would like to see one of these videos that show dogs meowing in open mockery. Linky?

    • Jason Thibeault March 20, 2012 · Reply

      Closest thing I can find.

  11. Jason Thibeault March 20, 2012 · Reply

    I am an impartial reporter on the front lines. Do not disparage the freedom of the press! (Also, turtles.)

    And anyway, the video I posted had a cat who fetches and pants.

    • Crommunist March 20, 2012 · Reply

      Find me a cat that fetches pants and I’ll be mucho impressed.

      • sqlrob March 20, 2012

        We’ve got one that does slippers (sorry, no video, it’s not on demand). That good enough?

      • Crommunist March 20, 2012

        I… said… PANTS!

      • sqlrob March 20, 2012

        You just can’t face anything that violates the canonormative standard of the dog fetching slippers for their master.

      • Leni March 20, 2012

        Find us a dog that fetches pants!

        I mean, have fun googling out of shape Retrievers for the rest of your life >:D

  12. george.w March 20, 2012 · Reply

    That cats mock dogs is hardly surprising. I myself used to do a spot-on Ronald Reagan imitation. But it didn’t mean I thought he was better than me.

    • Crommunist March 20, 2012 · Reply

      Did you do it when nobody was looking? As a secret tribute? Because of how much you loved him but were ashamed to say?

      • 'Tis Himself, OM March 20, 2012

        Damn, Crommunist, you play dirty sometimes. Accusing someone of being a closet Reaganite is hitting below the belt.

      • Crommunist March 20, 2012

        I don’t fuck around with this dog & cat shit. Racism, religion, sexism, homophobia… that’s all just interesting discussion topics. Pets – homey don’t play.

      • george.w March 20, 2012

        I believe the word “mock” was plain enough…

  13. HP March 20, 2012 · Reply

    First of all, I’m not “parasite-infested.” The preferred term is “symbiont.”

    Second of all, I

    • HP March 20, 2012 · Reply

      Sorry about that, the cat needed me. Where were we?

  14. Jeff Sherry March 20, 2012 · Reply

    Kittens are fabulous, the trouble is they turn into cats.

    Now dogs on the other side remain puppyish their entire life.

  15. ogremk5 March 20, 2012 · Reply

    6 pound, 13 year-old cat VS. 86 pound, 3 year-old German Shepard

    Who wins? Cat… every, single time. You can’t even give that dog a stuffed cat toy. It will run and hide.

    The dog got mauled. 8 stitches and 6 months of anti-biotic cream*.

    * No, cat’s paws are NOT clean like the rest of them.

    • Rob March 20, 2012 · Reply

      Hell, the cat wins every time here too.

      And it’s not even a fight. The cats are being friendly and trying snuggle up to him. He gets up and leaves. It’s amusing watching the cat follow, throw himself down next to the dog, rinse, repeat.

  16. Cynthia March 22, 2012 · Reply

    I’ve been away for a few days and missed this resurgence of the war, but I have to tell you – I love you guys! Cats, dogs, otters, turtles…this is the best blogging site anywhere!

    And it’s been a really terrible month, so I truly appreciate any laughs I can get.

    Keep fighting, please. The amusement value cannot be overstated.

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