Boy do I wish I was talking about this guy:
No, in fact I am talking about this guy:
As you can see, I’m not an ordinary person. Ever since I realized I have the power to predict the future, I knew that anything was possible for me, and I wasn’t wrong. I can predict things that are about to happen, and I can feel the vibrations of winning numbers in games like roulette or the lottery.
The blood of my Cheyenne ancestors runs through my veins. It has enabled me to predict my own future, and the future of the people around me. As a respected Shaman, I also have the power to transform woes into happiness, problems into solutions, and mysteries into revelations.
I found an ad for this “psychic medium” (a.k.a., scam artist) in the back-channel app that we use to tabulate site stats here at FTB. It was the name that grabbed me initially, but then I saw this:
I’m so confident of the value of what I “see” in your future, and of the advice I can give you, that I’m ready to offer you an initial “Visionary Contact Session” completely free of charge. Use it to take stock of your personal life. You’ll find it a surprisingly accurate study of your personality, of the main character traits that shape your Destiny, and increase the likelihood of experiencing certain problems. And there’s a big surprise in store for you, but I won’t say any more now. I’ll let you think about it. Just don’t think too long…
Now it goes from sad to hilarious. This guy is claiming that he will be able to see into my future, based on little more than astrology (and of course, me telling him what the biggest problem in my life is right now). Here’s the thing: as of yesterday I have a really clear picture of what the next few months/years hold for me. Unless Mr. Tupak is a blog reader (or he Googles me, which would be cheating), there’s very little chance of his prediction being anywhere near accurate. Oh sure, he might get vague things like “you are considering returning to school”, which is a common occurrence for people my age. He might even get “a career change is on the horizon” (which isn’t strictly true, but he could claim it amounts to the same thing), but again that’s entirely common for people in their 20s.
Anyone feel like submitting themselves to Mr. Tupak’s expert wisdom? I’ll bite the bullet and give him my real info, but anyone worth their salt can find out most of my pertinent details inside of 15 minutes. I’d be interested to see what happens if someone whose entire life isn’t on a website makes a request. I’ll let you know what info I get back.
Warning: Tupak is not good with refunds
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It’s not relegated to back-channel apps. Tupak’s ads show up for me here often.
[Drily] Well, I could have—ahem!—predicted that.
This is just general advice for everyone, but if you see ads that you think don’t belong on this site (i.e., psychics, churches, Christian dating services, etc.) please get the URL for the ad (should be a ridicu-long string of characters with ‘google.com’ at the beginning of it) and e-mail it to me. We only want ads that we think people might actually use on the site, but we have limited control over what comes up and when.
Ok, now that you’ve mentioned weird ads, sometimes when I’m reading this site, an ad pops up with a tiny woman holding a really large pair of trousers and it says, “Strange fruit burns fat.” Which is just so so wrong. Wrong on many levels.
Oh, I’ve just been ignoring them after PZ yelled at us for complaining about the ads when FtB was first born.
And frankly, this Puritan Hard Drive is awesome (I stole it, but then learned I was predestined to do so, so it’s okay.) It’s just like a regular external hard drive once you delete all the Calvinist garbage off of it. Fantastic!
I followed the link to learn that this strange fruit is an ‘exotic’ fruit that comes from Africa called a ‘mango’. I’m fascinated to consider that their target demographic apparently consists of fat-conscious Europeans in the 18th century.
With all of this talk from Mr. Google and how he is going to put all of the information that he gathers together into a massive database so that he can better provide pertinent content for all users, don’t you find it a little curious that he can’t get a bunch of appropriate ads together to throw at us…. who are an identifiable and separate group of users?
Oooooh THANKS for finding this out!
This means that I can eat as many mango pavlovas as I can, with whipped cream and ice cream and all, without worry!
(Now how do I make myself actually believe it…?)
I’ll give it a whirl, just for shits and giggles. Most of the places I contribute online don’t link back to my actual identity, just throwaway emails. No blogs, twitter feeds, or facebook pages to my name. And my name is common enough that any searches made would turn up a slew of people with the same name who aren’t me. He won’t be getting anything but what I choose to tell him.
Hmmm, hour and minute of my birth. That’s going be a tricky one. What are the odds that lying here would drastically skew the results?
What are the odds that lying here would drastically skew the results?
Low to none. But they do provide an out for the medium. “I predicted you’d come into money soon and you went bankrupt the next week? Obviously, that’s because you told me you were born at 12:46 when you were really born at 12:47. How do you expect me to work with such inaccurate information?” And suddenly it’s all your fault again.
WELCOME TO TUPAK’S WORLD !
I’ve just added you to my circle-of-friends.
You will hear from me pretty soon.
It’s like he’s psychic!
Oh, no wait. Email saying it’ll take 48 hours for his “visionary contact”. That’s not pretty soon at all, guess he needs time to do a little digging on me. Best of luck Tupak.
Just for the record, I’m playing along cause its free. The second he wants money, this game is over.
You’re complaining about a measly 48 hours? The great and powerful Tupak has to prepare a horrorscope on you. Do you think horrorscopes grow on trees?
Actually, if he were a real psychic, then he’d know you’d send an email and have everything ready beforehand.
A good friend of mine once said, regarding “Psychic Telephone Services”:
“If they’re psychic, shouldn’t they call you?”
Have at him. Nothing there yet, so WOT users can have an immediate effect. https://www.mywot.com/en/scorecard/tupakmedium.com
Also amusing: Hosted in the Bahamas, nameservers in Germany.
I’m not complaining about the ads; FtB needs revenue and if they contribute, that’s fine. I can ignore them.
But it is amusing to me that so often the ads are religious in nature. There’s one right now asking me to sign the petition to overturn Roe vs. Wade. Yeah, like that’s gonna happen!
I would be interested to know if the ads get a positive response from FtB readers, but don’t know if they track them that well. And I’m not interested enough to track it down.
Beware the $haman!
What does it say about me that I originally read this as “TUVOK LIVES!”
*gets her coat*
Live long and prosper?
You can all relax, the visions have at long last come to my dear friend Tupak. Its way too long to post up here though. So, just a few highlights.
Nope, my financial situation has never been better. I’m going to Bali shortly just because I want to.
AHHHH! Stay out of my head!
Quite the opposite actually. My career is as secure as possible given the economic climate, and my long-term plan is on track and even a bit ahead of schedule.
Riiiight. So this sounds like bullshit because a random stranger on the internet knows me better than I do.
Meh, not really. I dislike getting praised, I try to avoid or deflect it, makes me uncomfortable.
I’m just not sure what that’s supposed to say about me. Little help?
Right, sure. That makes lots of sense.
It continues that way for a long time, along with plenty of vague slightly self contradictory statements. I’m “outgoing and optimistic, but occasionally need to retreat into my shell” kind of drivel. If you were expecting something spectacular and earth-shattering, I’m afraid Tupak will disappoint.
Of course, if I’m willing to pony up his “very reasonable” fees, well then, I would get the truly exceptional service. He’ll be my friend, mentor and powerful ally. Thanks, but I’m sure I’ll be happier with the money.
Fuck! I didn’t get a response at all! What the hell, Tupak? Tell me about how much cash I’m supposed to be secretly swimming in?
Did you indicate that you wanted advice about “money”? I said I needed his psychic insight about my “luck”.
Yeah, I asked about money. I was secretly hoping he might send me the next Lotto649 numbers, no such luck. Although apparently 3 is “the first number in the reward that appears to be inscribed on your life’s path”. Whatever that means.
You’re welcome to read the rest for yourself. Just don’t sign me up for the more expensive “vision”. Unless of course you want to pay for it.
I received the same letter and it’s nearly identical to mine with the exception of your horoscope information.. same lucky number, same 6 month talk of my life changing. I believe in Mediums and have had readings with Mediums that have the real gift. This guy is clearly a fake and a scam!!!!
Carmen, how would you go about distinguishing between a clear fraud like Tupak; a ‘geniune’ medium; and a fraud who is just good at guessing?
tupak is a scam. Not only did i opt not to use his services after the first reading but i just found out that he deducted 2o pounds from my account today and i haven’t used his services in over 8 months. Will be contacting the bank and police shortly.
Tupak has been after me for months sending me email which end up for some reason in the junk mail folder. I haven’t replied to him once yet he still sends me mail?
I received that SAME letter..down to every last word-horrscope and lucky #…WTF?? SHAME ON YOU CONCEITED TUPAK YOU ARE NOT EVEN TRYING TO BE CREATIVE!! You give all gifted psychics a bad name. Someone should contact him directly and let him know he has been decloaked !!!
Oh sweetie… sit down. We’re going to have to chat about ‘real psychics’, and Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny too.
If you want a Tupak reading or one of his other offers for “shits and giggles” as someone put it above. Wait until he has mailed you the same offer multiple times. Each time he sends it the price is reduced. He starts usually around $79 and it keeps dropping until he gets to around $14. Saves a bundle for a laugh if that is all your in it for!
I did give in and buy one of his offers once it dropped to his lowest price point only to receive some meditations that I was to repeat every day for 90 days or something like that in order to bring luck into my life. The meditations were not a bad thing, they do make great daily affirmations if one is needing to feel better about oneself. All in all not a total loss so I did not request a refund. In my opinion that is about the best any psychic can do for you as I see them as affordable therapists. Still in the end I am glad it only cost me $14!